Thomas Plays Games - Resident Evil Director's Cut

Entry 1

I've fought battles before, but not like this. As a member of the Special Tactics and Rescue Service team employed by the Raccoon City Police Department, I've seen my fair share of action. But this... this is different. My arsenal is limited. My ammo supply is low. Hell, even my movement is more rigid; tank-like, almost.

Despite all this, I still must press forward. Together with Barry Burton and Albert Wesker, I find myself trapped in the Spencer Estate, a creepy mansion in the middle of the creepier Arklay Mountains. We must find any survivors from the Special Tactics and Rescue Service team, and escape this mansion.

Thankfully, I've got a lot of ink ribbons. I think I'm going to need them.

Entry 2

After splitting up with Wesker, Barry and I explored our side of the mansion a bit. We found blood on the dining room floor. Is this Chris's blood?

Perhaps more unsettling, I found the body of Kenneth Sullivan, point man and recon specialist from the S.T.A.R.S. Bravo team. He was being eaten by another man, whom Barry promptly shot in the face. So much for the interrogation. His killer is dead, but Kenneth himself has now become a mere shadow of his former self.

See what I mean?

Barry and I decided to split up, but not before Barry gave me a lock pick. Which is a good thing, considering I'm the master of unlocking (a fact Barry himself admitted.)

With Barry and I going our separate ways, I'm going to continue on.

Entry 3

This mansion is unlike any place I've ever been before. Sure, it's dark and creepy, infested with the undead, and likely hiding more than a couple dark secrets, but it also has its fair share of benefits. I'm finding ammunition and more of those handy ink ribbons all over the place -- hidden in dressers, stashed inside statues, sitting on the tank of toilets -- everywhere, man. Hell, I've even found several healing supplies, including first aid spray, and even some green healing herbs.

I feel like I should make a medicinal marijuana joke after that last line, but nothing is coming to me. I'll have to think about it as I work my way through this mansion.

Back to the mansion, though -- I've found that it has its fair share of traps. At one point, the ceiling in a room started to descend on me. Thankfully, Barry showed up in the nick of time to help me out. He said it best; if he hadn't come along at that moment, I would have ended up as a Jill sandwich.

Again, Barry and I split up. Starting to wonder why we don't just go through the mansion together, if he's apparently going to continue to show up wherever I am anyway. I digress.

Entry 4

The mansion continues to surprise, as navigating it's hallways has proven quite tricky. Nearly every room has some sort of obtuse puzzle to solve in it. It isn't until you've found the solution to these puzzles that you are rewarded with specially marked keys to open even more specially marked doors. This is a bit perplexing; most people would be satisfied with the old "key under the doormat" trick. Hell, if that's too obvious for you, they make alternatives; rocks with hidden key compartments in the bottom, hollowed out Dr. Pepper cans that double as storage containers, sprinkler heads with key slots that can then be stuck into the ground. Surely one of these solutions had to have some appeal, and almost assuredly would have been less expensive than crafting and installing such an elaborate set of teasers.

But what do I know?

Entry 5

I discovered the body of Forest Speyer, now the 2nd confirmed casualty from the S.T.A.R.S. unit. He too, is a shadow of his former self, though to a lesser degree than Kenneth. Forest was pecked to death by crows, which is puzzling, as the same crows gave me no problems as I solved another of the mansion's vexing puzzles. Oh well, maybe Forest had some crackers in his pocket or something.

I ran into Barry. Again. Though this time he did give me another item, this time in the form of acid rounds specially made for a bazooka. This would be great if I had a bazooka. That said, carrying around explosive rounds filled with acid seems like a pretty dangerous idea. Barry seemed to think it was a good idea, though. He had a look in his eye like he wanted to say something, like, "Here, take this; you are the master of acid bazookas after all." He refrained.

And again, we split up.

Entry 6

I ran into Richard Aiken, the Bravo team communications expert. He was severely wounded, and required a serum to cure him of some sort of poison. I returned with the serum, but apparently too late. As he took his final breaths, I tried to explain that I had to stop to record my last journal entry, which was what kept me from bringing the serum sooner. He didn't reply, but he coughed up some blood, which I think meant "I understand." R.I.P., Dick.

By Dick I didn't mean he was a dick. Dick is like, the traditional diminutive form or Richard. Richard wasn't really a dick.

Moving past Dick's final resting place, I encountered the unholy beast who poisoned him in the first place -- a giant snake. I'm not really sure how we went from undead humans to giant snakes, but we did, and it was pretty awful. However, after finally pounding the snake into submission, I was able to proceed, grabbing half of a crest I needed to solve another damn puzzle to get another key.

It is at this point that I lost consciousness, likely due to being poisoned. I'm unsure of what happened next. When I came to, I was alone in a storage closet, far from the battlegrounds where I faced the snake, instead lying in a conveniently placed bed near another typewriter. I'm unsure of how I got here or who rescued me.

However, with the last crest I found in the snake room, I think I have the required pieces to exit the mansion to continue exploring the grounds.

Until next time.

Entry 7

After spending several hours exploring the nearby guardhouse, I can safely say I missed exploring the mansion.

The mansion had its share of danger, sure, but not like the guardhouse. Things have escalated beyond zombies and giant snakes; in the guardhouse alone I had to kill giant spiders (whose bodies exploded and released smaller, yet still abnormally large spiders), a man eating plant (which again made me wish I had a good medicinal marijuana joke, but alas, nothing yet), and even a shark. Seriously. A shark. In the basement of a guard house. In the middle of the forest. In the midwest. What the hell was wrong with these people? Can we really act surprised that everyone here was eaten by some variety of terrible monster when they themselves were harboring the bastards?

Even upon returning to the mansion, I was greeted by an unpleasant surprise in the form of what looked like a giant, evil frog. With teeth. And giant claws.

Maybe they aren't that much like frogs after all.

Entry 8

I had another run-in with my old foe, the giant snake. Still angry about what the snake did to Dick, I gleefully blasted away at him, finally putting him down for the count. When he died, he conveniently smashed a hole in the floor, which led to a secret entrance to some kind of underground area. Again, Barry caught up with me (of course, after the fight with the giant, poisonous, man-eating snake), and offered to help me climb down into the hole using some rope he brought along.

As soon as I hit the floor, the rope fell. Thanks Barry. I waited several minutes, and finally, Barry returned with a second rope, allowing me to climb out. Now, after parting ways with Barry again, I am ready to descend the hole once more, hopefully to further explore this mansion's secrets.

Entry 9

Somehow, Barry beat me into the underground. This worked out, however, as we used this opportunity to finally explore the area together. In the tunnels, we found another S.T.A.R.S. member -- Enrico Marini, the Bravo team captain. He mentioned something about a traitor on the S.T.A.R.S. team, but was shot before he could finish explaining. I can't help but wonder why an assassin would shoot a mortally wounded Enrico instead of Barry and I if someone indeed wanted us dead, but I suppose I can't complain too much.

So as not to have Enrico die in vain, we push on.

Entry 10

Albert Wesker is a dickbag. I should have known, too. I mean, you should NEVER trust someone who wears sunglasses ALL the time. I mean, he even wore sunglasses in his Umbrella yearbook picture with the rest of the research team; none of whom were wearing sunglasses.

This would make for a great default Facebook picture

Well, first, I suppose I should explain. Barry and I gained entry into some sort of underground laboratory. Once inside the lab, we again split up.

I stumbled upon a small prison area, and found Chris locked in a cell at the far end. I'm not sure how or why he is being held here, but I had hoped I could find a way to get him out. It wouldn't be a very good ending if we didn't all escape together.

After exploring a bit more of the lab, I again ran into Barry. Together, we found Wesker, who decided now was a good time to reveal that he worked for the Umbrella corporation, who was developing the bioweapons that caused all this misery in the first place. Oh, and he was blackmailing Barry, and he was planning on killing everyone in the mansion. Great guy, that Wesker.

Just before Wesker revealed his master plan to me, Barry hit him in the head with his gun. I appreciate the sentiment, though it may have been convenient to hear what he had planned before we rendered him unconscious. Oh well.

As we moved forward, we discovered something called Tyrant, a supposed super weapon who was the central experiment and focus of this entire research facility. Though I gotta say, he wasn't much of a super weapon, as I put him down with about 5 shots from my handgun. Apparently, they still have some kinks to work out.

Barry and I left, but not before someone triggered the self destruct sequence on the facility. Barry and I raced upstairs to rescue Chris, and as I write this, we have about 3 minutes to escape. Thankfully, our helicopter pilot Brad Vickers found time in his schedule to stop being a chickenshit and come pick us up.

Thankfully, this all seems like it's almost over, one way or another. Until next time.

Entry 11

This will likely be my last entry into this journal. Chris, Barry, Brad, and myself are aboard a helicopter, heading back to Raccoon City. Spencer Mansion has gone up in flames, and all appears to be saved. Hopefully, Wesker and his sunglasses are burning now as well.

With the mansion and its experiments destroyed, things can now go back to normal. I mean, things couldn't possibly get any worse than what just happened, right?

Hey, don't get any ideas. We're just partners, alright?!