Thomas Plays Games - Resident Evil Director's Cut

Entry 1

I've fought battles before, but not like this. As a member of the Special Tactics and Rescue Service team employed by the Raccoon City Police Department, I've seen my fair share of action. But this... this is different. My arsenal is limited. My ammo supply is low. Hell, even my movement is more rigid; tank-like, almost.

Despite all this, I still must press forward. Together with Barry Burton and Albert Wesker, I find myself trapped in the Spencer Estate, a creepy mansion in the middle of the creepier Arklay Mountains. We must find any survivors from the Special Tactics and Rescue Service team, and escape this mansion.

Thankfully, I've got a lot of ink ribbons. I think I'm going to need them.

Entry 2

After splitting up with Wesker, Barry and I explored our side of the mansion a bit. We found blood on the dining room floor. Is this Chris's blood?

Perhaps more unsettling, I found the body of Kenneth Sullivan, point man and recon specialist from the S.T.A.R.S. Bravo team. He was being eaten by another man, whom Barry promptly shot in the face. So much for the interrogation. His killer is dead, but Kenneth himself has now become a mere shadow of his former self.

See what I mean?

Barry and I decided to split up, but not before Barry gave me a lock pick. Which is a good thing, considering I'm the master of unlocking (a fact Barry himself admitted.)

With Barry and I going our separate ways, I'm going to continue on.

Entry 3

This mansion is unlike any place I've ever been before. Sure, it's dark and creepy, infested with the undead, and likely hiding more than a couple dark secrets, but it also has its fair share of benefits. I'm finding ammunition and more of those handy ink ribbons all over the place -- hidden in dressers, stashed inside statues, sitting on the tank of toilets -- everywhere, man. Hell, I've even found several healing supplies, including first aid spray, and even some green healing herbs.

I feel like I should make a medicinal marijuana joke after that last line, but nothing is coming to me. I'll have to think about it as I work my way through this mansion.

Back to the mansion, though -- I've found that it has its fair share of traps. At one point, the ceiling in a room started to descend on me. Thankfully, Barry showed up in the nick of time to help me out. He said it best; if he hadn't come along at that moment, I would have ended up as a Jill sandwich.

Again, Barry and I split up. Starting to wonder why we don't just go through the mansion together, if he's apparently going to continue to show up wherever I am anyway. I digress.

Entry 4

The mansion continues to surprise, as navigating it's hallways has proven quite tricky. Nearly every room has some sort of obtuse puzzle to solve in it. It isn't until you've found the solution to these puzzles that you are rewarded with specially marked keys to open even more specially marked doors. This is a bit perplexing; most people would be satisfied with the old "key under the doormat" trick. Hell, if that's too obvious for you, they make alternatives; rocks with hidden key compartments in the bottom, hollowed out Dr. Pepper cans that double as storage containers, sprinkler heads with key slots that can then be stuck into the ground. Surely one of these solutions had to have some appeal, and almost assuredly would have been less expensive than crafting and installing such an elaborate set of teasers.

But what do I know?

Entry 5

I discovered the body of Forest Speyer, now the 2nd confirmed casualty from the S.T.A.R.S. unit. He too, is a shadow of his former self, though to a lesser degree than Kenneth. Forest was pecked to death by crows, which is puzzling, as the same crows gave me no problems as I solved another of the mansion's vexing puzzles. Oh well, maybe Forest had some crackers in his pocket or something.

I ran into Barry. Again. Though this time he did give me another item, this time in the form of acid rounds specially made for a bazooka. This would be great if I had a bazooka. That said, carrying around explosive rounds filled with acid seems like a pretty dangerous idea. Barry seemed to think it was a good idea, though. He had a look in his eye like he wanted to say something, like, "Here, take this; you are the master of acid bazookas after all." He refrained.

And again, we split up.

Entry 6

I ran into Richard Aiken, the Bravo team communications expert. He was severely wounded, and required a serum to cure him of some sort of poison. I returned with the serum, but apparently too late. As he took his final breaths, I tried to explain that I had to stop to record my last journal entry, which was what kept me from bringing the serum sooner. He didn't reply, but he coughed up some blood, which I think meant "I understand." R.I.P., Dick.

By Dick I didn't mean he was a dick. Dick is like, the traditional diminutive form or Richard. Richard wasn't really a dick.

Moving past Dick's final resting place, I encountered the unholy beast who poisoned him in the first place -- a giant snake. I'm not really sure how we went from undead humans to giant snakes, but we did, and it was pretty awful. However, after finally pounding the snake into submission, I was able to proceed, grabbing half of a crest I needed to solve another damn puzzle to get another key.

It is at this point that I lost consciousness, likely due to being poisoned. I'm unsure of what happened next. When I came to, I was alone in a storage closet, far from the battlegrounds where I faced the snake, instead lying in a conveniently placed bed near another typewriter. I'm unsure of how I got here or who rescued me.

However, with the last crest I found in the snake room, I think I have the required pieces to exit the mansion to continue exploring the grounds.

Until next time.

Entry 7

After spending several hours exploring the nearby guardhouse, I can safely say I missed exploring the mansion.

The mansion had its share of danger, sure, but not like the guardhouse. Things have escalated beyond zombies and giant snakes; in the guardhouse alone I had to kill giant spiders (whose bodies exploded and released smaller, yet still abnormally large spiders), a man eating plant (which again made me wish I had a good medicinal marijuana joke, but alas, nothing yet), and even a shark. Seriously. A shark. In the basement of a guard house. In the middle of the forest. In the midwest. What the hell was wrong with these people? Can we really act surprised that everyone here was eaten by some variety of terrible monster when they themselves were harboring the bastards?

Even upon returning to the mansion, I was greeted by an unpleasant surprise in the form of what looked like a giant, evil frog. With teeth. And giant claws.

Maybe they aren't that much like frogs after all.

Entry 8

I had another run-in with my old foe, the giant snake. Still angry about what the snake did to Dick, I gleefully blasted away at him, finally putting him down for the count. When he died, he conveniently smashed a hole in the floor, which led to a secret entrance to some kind of underground area. Again, Barry caught up with me (of course, after the fight with the giant, poisonous, man-eating snake), and offered to help me climb down into the hole using some rope he brought along.

As soon as I hit the floor, the rope fell. Thanks Barry. I waited several minutes, and finally, Barry returned with a second rope, allowing me to climb out. Now, after parting ways with Barry again, I am ready to descend the hole once more, hopefully to further explore this mansion's secrets.

Entry 9

Somehow, Barry beat me into the underground. This worked out, however, as we used this opportunity to finally explore the area together. In the tunnels, we found another S.T.A.R.S. member -- Enrico Marini, the Bravo team captain. He mentioned something about a traitor on the S.T.A.R.S. team, but was shot before he could finish explaining. I can't help but wonder why an assassin would shoot a mortally wounded Enrico instead of Barry and I if someone indeed wanted us dead, but I suppose I can't complain too much.

So as not to have Enrico die in vain, we push on.

Entry 10

Albert Wesker is a dickbag. I should have known, too. I mean, you should NEVER trust someone who wears sunglasses ALL the time. I mean, he even wore sunglasses in his Umbrella yearbook picture with the rest of the research team; none of whom were wearing sunglasses.

This would make for a great default Facebook picture

Well, first, I suppose I should explain. Barry and I gained entry into some sort of underground laboratory. Once inside the lab, we again split up.

I stumbled upon a small prison area, and found Chris locked in a cell at the far end. I'm not sure how or why he is being held here, but I had hoped I could find a way to get him out. It wouldn't be a very good ending if we didn't all escape together.

After exploring a bit more of the lab, I again ran into Barry. Together, we found Wesker, who decided now was a good time to reveal that he worked for the Umbrella corporation, who was developing the bioweapons that caused all this misery in the first place. Oh, and he was blackmailing Barry, and he was planning on killing everyone in the mansion. Great guy, that Wesker.

Just before Wesker revealed his master plan to me, Barry hit him in the head with his gun. I appreciate the sentiment, though it may have been convenient to hear what he had planned before we rendered him unconscious. Oh well.

As we moved forward, we discovered something called Tyrant, a supposed super weapon who was the central experiment and focus of this entire research facility. Though I gotta say, he wasn't much of a super weapon, as I put him down with about 5 shots from my handgun. Apparently, they still have some kinks to work out.

Barry and I left, but not before someone triggered the self destruct sequence on the facility. Barry and I raced upstairs to rescue Chris, and as I write this, we have about 3 minutes to escape. Thankfully, our helicopter pilot Brad Vickers found time in his schedule to stop being a chickenshit and come pick us up.

Thankfully, this all seems like it's almost over, one way or another. Until next time.

Entry 11

This will likely be my last entry into this journal. Chris, Barry, Brad, and myself are aboard a helicopter, heading back to Raccoon City. Spencer Mansion has gone up in flames, and all appears to be saved. Hopefully, Wesker and his sunglasses are burning now as well.

With the mansion and its experiments destroyed, things can now go back to normal. I mean, things couldn't possibly get any worse than what just happened, right?

Hey, don't get any ideas. We're just partners, alright?!

Thomas Plays Games - Dino Crisis

As a kid, the survival horror genre did a lot for me.

Well, let me take that back. It did it a lot for me -- or rather, to me. As in, I've got more than one memory of nearly shitting myself as previously unseen enemies bounded at me from offscreen, tearing into me with little to no concern for my well being. These assholes were only slightly less punishing than the completely uncooperative fixed camera angles of the day.

Despite my fear (and frustration), I constantly dug my teeth into survival horror games, simultaneously wishing that the next door I enter would either be a safe haven, or have something terrible and frightening waiting for me. Talk about a conflict of interest.

As horror movies drift further and further into the torture porn abyss (see: Saw), horror videogames seem to be following suit (see: Rise of Nightmares.) For classic survival horror enthusiasts,  options are limited. What are horror gamers to do?

Why, go back and play the horror classics from yesteryear, of course!

Or play Dead Space. But for the sake of this column, we're going to go with the horror classics thing.

With Halloween approaching, I have made it my personal goal to squeeze in as many classic survival horror games as possible before the holiday passes. Here's hoping that work, Dark Souls, Batman, and Battlefield 3 don't completely derail this entire idea.

First up on the docket is Dino Crisis, a dinosaur filled adventure in which our heroes must infiltrate a top secret research facility, rendezvous with an undercover agent, and extract a researcher who was previously thought to be dead.

Leading the charge is Gail, team leader and world-class toolbag who likes to be a lone wolf, treat his teammates like shit, and if I had to guess, probably wears TapouT t-shirts when he's not covered in body armor.

Good old Gail

At his side is Rick, resident computer wiz, whose abilities to hack mainframes and other such shit are only matched by his ability to crack wise. He's also the character who has a baaaaaaad feeling about this. Furthermore, he has a ponytail. Moving on.

I've got a baaaad feeling about this

Cooper is the team's third squad member, though his role is never explained beyond being the guy who has the radio. One can only assume he has some skills, as he's part of an elite spy team being sent on a top secret mission, but I can tell you with 100% assurance, he's excellent at getting eaten by dinosaurs. He displays this by using this talent within the first 2 minutes of the game.

The final member of our crack squad of spies is Regina, the 22-year-old wunderkind who specializes in undercover ops, infiltration, espionage, extermination, and scrap booking. Well, maybe all but that last one. She may also be the primary influence of Rihanna's stylist over the last year or so.

I've got the weirdest boner right now

The player steps into Regina's knee-high boots just after the team (minus Cooper) lands on Ibis Island, home of the top secret military research facility. It doesn't take long to learn that things are amiss, as Rick quickly discovers that the entire facility's power has been cut (nevermind that every light in the facility is on as he says this. Maybe they use solar lighting?) The trio set out on a quest to restore power to the facility and locate the mysterious Dr. Kirk, one of the government's top researchers, whose highly publicized death was apparently faked.

By "trio set out on a quest," I actually meant, "Regina goes and does a lot of shit, Gail acts like an ass, and Rick sits in the computer room and thinks about ponytails." Despite the whole "spy team" thing we set up in the first few minutes, the game focuses almost entirely on Regina's solo actions, with other character interactions mostly taking place over the radio. This is fine, as it adds to the game's atmosphere and general sense of solitude.

This solitude gives the game a pretty unique pacing, as players can go through relatively lengthy periods of time without hearing from a teammate or running into one of the titular dinos. The game places a decent amount of its focus on puzzles rather than action, making the moments where a raptor crashes through a window that much more startling.

For the most part, the horror in Dino Crisis is pretty light stuff. Raptors do occassionally jump through windows, drop through air vents, or inexplicably make their way through security doors that normally require keycards to get through. These jump moments are pretty few and far between, but provide the closest thing one could consider a "scare."

Combat with the dinosaurs takes on a slightly different kind of horror, however, as velociraptors are absolute bullet sponges. Regina's starting peashooter -- er, pistol -- does little to hinder a raptor's approach, making them far more threatening than the typical survival horror zombie. Combine this with their aggressive nature and the fact that dodging these assholes can be rather difficult, and you've got a pretty tricky enemy on your hands.

When you're not getting tossed around by raptors, players often find themselves sorting out a pretty tricky array of puzzles. Puzzle segments are old hat in the survival horror genre, but find a hint of freshness in Dino Crisis, as most puzzles seem grounded in reality. Gone are the "put the jewels in the statue's eyes to reveal the hidden door in the wall" puzzles of the Resident Evil series, replaced instead by "put the battery in the right spot to make the generator run." It may not sound like more fun on paper, but when the puzzles all have an air of practicality in their design, it's a little easier to overlook the tedium they might bring otherwise.

As far as plots go, there isn't much to talk about here. The game does a decent enough job of explaining who Dr. Kirk is and how the hell he turned Ibis Island into Jurassic Park, but the storyline lacks any real points of interest. Thankfully, things pick a up a bit in the last act of the game, culminating in a pretty satisfying conclusion with 3 different endings.

When it comes to whether or not the game is worth playing, the answer is pretty simple. The game is a product of Shinji Mikami, one of the forefathers of survival horror. The game is built on the same formula that made the Resident Evil series such a huge success, and for the most part, the formula works here as well. For $5.99 as a PSN download, and maybe even cheaper if you can find a copy of the original PS1 disc, Dino Crisis is a nice little bit of gaming, and should satisfy most fans of classic survival horror.

Resident Evil 4 HD Review - Still the King?

        When Resident Evil 4 released in January 2005 for the Nintendo Gamecube, it brought with it a blend of relentless survival horror and action, astonishingly gritty visuals, and revolutionary enemy AI. It completely redefined the survival horror genre, and served as the biggest inspiration to both the action and survival horror games we see today. To this day, it’s head and shoulders above the new wave of action titles following in it's footsteps. Capcom has decided to capitalize on this by re-releasing the game in HD on Xbox Live Games on Demand and Playstation Network. With Resident Evil 4 being my favorite game of all goddamn time, I felt it was necessary to see if it was still as great a game as it was when I was a fat sixteen year old virgin. With a Gamecube. I’ll spoil a little bit of the end of this review and tell you that; yes, this game still kicks ass.

Resident Evil 4’s undeniable mark on the videogame industry resonates through many more recent titles. Its most notable contribution is its locked-in over the shoulder camera angle. Cliff Blezinski himself has stated that Resident Evil 4 was the primary inspiration for the Gears of War series, a franchise which has spawned a line of imitators itself. Yet, even with the tremendous influence RE4 has had on developers, modern games often fail to mimic the nuances that made RE4 the mindblowing, pants-shitting revelation it was. Even Shinji Mikami, the man who created Resident Evil and directed RE4, seems to have forgotten what made it so special. The amount of detail in the enviroments was staggering at the time of the game's release, taking the player on a scenic journey full of variety that is often missing from the modern action game. Nothing feels reused, or put together in typical cookie-cutter fashion. Character animations are fluid, and give the characters a very realistic look and feel. Don't even get me started on the incredible reload animations. You won’t even want to upgrade from the bolt action rifle for the pure satisfaction of watching the reload. Camera angles also change frequently, constantly giving the players new looks. It's this thorough and impressive attention to detail that elevates RE4 above even its modern competition.

Above all else, however, the game's combat stands out the most. The precision based shooting mechancis oddly feel fresher than any shooter I’ve played in recent years. Leon Kennedy, the main character, doesn't always have  a steady hand while aiming, which adds an element of timing to the combat, and gives things a slightly more realistic feel.  As is typical with most survival horror games, you can’t aim and fire while moving, and there is no side-stepping or strafing. While this may initially feel like it limits the player's control, it (inadvertently?)adds an element of tension and anxiety, as most of the game's combat is a close quarters affair. Adding to the tension, enemies are incredibly smart, quickly surrounding you every chance they get. You run upstairs, they’ll bust a ladder to the upstairs window; block the door, they’ll simply breakthrough or find another way around. Simple fact is, they’ll stop at nothing until you’re dead.

To counteract this aggression, players benefit from some of the most rewarding shot placement in videogame history. Shoot an enemy in the leg, they’ll stagger; a shot in the arm, they’ll drop their weapon. Pop the persitent bastards in the head, they’ll get stunned and grab their face in pain. Hell, if you're good enough, you can stagger the enemy, giving you an oppurtunity to lay a Shawn Michaels-esque superkick on their ass. Sweet chin music, bitches.

SUPAH!

So even with Leon's vast and varied array of weapons and superkicks, Resident Evil 4 is anything but a shooting gallery. The game benefits greatly from an incredible set of boss fights (the lost art of videogame design.) The boss count in this game is almost overwhelming, and no boss is a retread of another. Nearly every boss will test your skills and abilities as a player, and pretty much all of them seem capable of kicking the shit out of the final boss of most other games on the market.

The violence and gore also add quite a bit to the proceedings. All the weapons feel just as they should, and the enemies themselves often show great resilience, making it extra satisfying when you get that rare headshot that blows the enemy's skull into a mess of goo and all around nastiness.

Between all the headshots, gamers can take time to enjoy small diversions from the main course. While the meat of the game is built on tense action, other elements, like collecting bottlecaps, looting dead enemies, and upgrading weapons all add great variety.

To top it all off, the story and cut scenes, fun and silly in nature, serve as the layer of cheese to the best damn burger I’ve ever had.  Leon S. Kennedy, equipped with one liners, is a fun action hero (and one that Capcom tends to overlook in favor of Chris Redfield, an overrated tard who looks like every other action hero ever, and if I had to wager a guess, probably sits down to pee.) None of the motives or plot devices in the game really make sense, and they don’t really need to. It all serves as an excuse for the game to do some stupid, unbelievable, awesome shit. Which is perfectly fine if you have a stupid, unbelievable, awesome game to play. Supporting characters are also fun, adding even more cheese to the fine beef patty of game play (yes, the hamburger joke continues.)  The only downside to these cut scenes is a feature I actually used to enjoy, but have grown to hate: Quick Time Events. I am seriously sick of pressing a button repeatedly to proceed in a game (a feature I blame on Metal Gear Solid, and one that really needs to go die in a fire.)

PRESS IT FASTER. SHIIIIT.

One thing I’ve never understood though was fans that didn’t like Resident Evil 4 because it’s not a "true Resident Evil" game. I’d argue otherwise; it’s still very much a Resident Evil title. It sports tank style controls (minus the aged camera), combining herbs and items, a variety of monsters, and strong emphasis on survival. It’s all a much more intense brand of survival, increasing the amount of enemies and ammo alike. If you get complacent, it’s still very possible to run out of ammunition, and not knowing how to kill some enemies can really add to the tension. In typical Resident Evil style, parts of the game are very capable of giving you a feeling of uneasiness and discomfort. Nearly every aspect of the game is comparable to the original Resident Evil. It just evolved in a way the developers had always seemed reluctant to do.

So is this HD re-release worth the extra purchase? That’s a difficult question to answer. There is some novelty in playing it in HD, but it’s disappointing that Capcom’s highest rated game of all time gets so little effort put into its HD release. The 15th Anniversary of the franchise is here and there is nothing to show for it (unless you live in Japan. Lucky bastards.) In a sense, it’s almost disrespectful to the brand, which is really unfortunate, because there are plenty of people who would have loved to own the 15th Anniversary collection not available here. Luckily though, the game is only 20 dollars (or 10 if you have Playstation Plus.) Both of which are low asking prices for the amount of content the game provides. The story will take you around 20 hours to complete, and offers a lot of replay ability with numerous unlockable costumes and weapons. There is plenty more mileage to be had with the extra game features, such as the Assignment Ada and Separate Ways missions, as well as the very fun and addictive Mercenaries mode (which can eat hours of your life. Seriously.) The inclusion of Trophies and Achievements is also a nice touch, even if the list feels a little bit phoned in.

This is why we don't have nice things.

Overall I would say, yes, Resident Evil 4 HD is well worth the asking price, particularly if you have never played this game before. Even if you’re like me and you’ve finished Leon’s mission on many separate occasions and different platforms, RE4HD may be worth another go. This game has aged incredibly well, and it’s one of those few games that truly define a generation of our entertainment. Not to mention the fact it’s now on Xbox 360 and Playstation 3, and not just the virginity-enforcing Gamecube. It’s still unfortunate though that Capcom didn’t capitalize on this opportunity to celebrate Resident Evil‘s 15th anniversary, but it’s fine to give them your money. I mean, unless you really wanted to play Megaman Legends 3.